Who out here doesn’t like a fun rollercoaster ride? You remember as a kid, the ride that starts off smooth and chill, then it hits this incredible, crazy drop! Where you lose your breakfast and dinner at the same time. A ride where you grip so hard that you leave your fingerprints on the bar. When you get off, you scream, I will never do that again, but 5 minutes later you yell let’s do that again! But the people who rode with you the first time don’t want to ride on that ride with you again. You were too much for them. Throwing up, using the bathroom on yourself, just craziness. It wasn’t that bad, right? Looking back at the pictures, they were that bad. Right? You get what I am saying? Face it. You LOST friends off that ride. But you still think you got more rides in you, so you go by yourself or you go get new friends to ride with. Then even they stop riding with you.
Alcohol, addiction to substances like food, drugs, sex etc. has been like that rollercoaster ride for me and many others. Today, there are a few folks who remember that rollercoaster ride I was on. Many have walked away as fast as they can. lol A couple folks have stayed around on the fringes. I understand. Today, all I have to do is look no further than those mental pictures with cringeworthy train wreck days and nights for proof that I can’t go on any roller coaster rides again…EVER.
What did it do for me?
It took a lot of heavy lifting and practicing a daily dose of acceptance. Even during the first 10 years or so of my sobriety, I had to practice each day looking past the face in the mirror to the depths of my soul for answers and a new direction. I know that I can’t get on that ride. Its a wrap. No one wants to put their hands up, wave the white flag in surrender. Many of us are so hard headed. One more piece of pie. Or one more cigarette. One more drink, then I will change. We enjoy being beat into submission for some reason. Foot on our throats, within an inch of death. Until the Dr. says, if you do it again you will lose a lung, a foot, maybe even your life.
Again, in part one, I wrote about an emotional twist that occurred when I mixed my passion for singing with alcohol. Where I forged a relationship with a substance so exhilarating that I told myself I arrived! I arrived and took a seat on a rollercoaster ride that contains some of my happiest yet most painful life moments. Even my body remembers the strange twists of joy and pain when I revisit those memories. It’s like I am reliving them all over again. Only now, I look back and attach shame, guilt and remorse to those memories. I don’t know anyone who has ever had an amazing life romancing those energies!
This led me to consider that fear cannot be the reason why I stay stopped and embrace a better ride. My soul feels better, fear, guilt, shame and remorse disappear when I embrace all the positively beautiful people, places and things around me who only want the best for me and my life.
So, what do I do? First accept the things I grabbed onto as I fell deeper into the rabbit hole of addiction. Meaning, to come to terms with those moments. Not allowing the energy of those moments to disrupt this new ride. Let it go. Take joy in the fact that I had friends who rescued me off that ride and introduced me to a new ride. They told me the price I was to pay was that I cannot be on that ride again.
Don’t ever look back.
If you have had challenges on your rollercoaster ride and are coming to terms with this ride, try letting go. You, me, we are not the only ones during the history of mankind that has been on a long, bad ride. We prolly will not be the last. Put in the work to accept that it’s all you. Whatever occurred during your fall down the rabbit hole of addiction, is just that. A moment in time. Now get back up.
Getting help is key to getting back on your feet. Change the things, the people that are around you and maybe avoid amusement parks for a while. Get on board and get cozy with acceptance. It’s a great way to prepare for a whole new ride.
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